So to put this in context, Paul is basically talking about how he was a poster child Jew. He's got all the credentials you need for being the best of the best. He's saying that out of anyone, he has the most reason to be confident in the flesh and in the worldly standards of success. But then in these verses(7-8), he makes it clear that all of those credentials of success mean nothing to him. He counts them as loss for Jesus. And he not only thinks of those things as nothing but he has given up everything that he had. Reputation, wealth, job, everything that means anything in the secular mind. He has sacrificed it all for Christ. He counts it as trash so that he can gain Christ. Knowing and living for Jesus and spreading His name meant more to Paul than everything that he had and the potential of what he could have had. And now I remember everything that Paul went through. He was imprisoned, tortured within inches of death several times and so many other horrible situations and still, he'd rather endure these things and lose his worldly reputation so that he could have Christ.
I am not someone who is very attached to material things. I would be okay with having little to nothing. But I don't even have a reputation like Paul's among people and yet that is something that I am worried about. I get nervous about talking to people about Jesus whether it's a stranger in an airport or a friend that knows I'm a Christian. I've had a hard time through my teenage years with trying to act cool. I have never been "cool" and I will never be "cool" and that's fine. I know now that it isn't important but as a kid who got bullied, it was a big deal. And even in Christian circles, being sold out for Jesus wasn't cool. I would try to talk and look like the "cooler kids" at youth group or school. And even now as an adult it's hard because I'm afraid of offending people but I'm also afraid of saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say or not having the right answer. I know that I know a lot about the Bible, but I worry about getting nervous and forgetting the right words and looking stupid or misrepresenting Jesus. I worry too much about how people view me. I need to instead focus on Jesus and remember how He sees me and focus on the need of the people that don't know Jesus.
Since being in IGNITE a lot of things have changed. I'm learning to live with a lot less but still so much more than many people around the world. And I'm learning how to die to myself. I'm learning to stop valuing other people's view of me so highly above God's view for me. The spark that I had in my heart for the lost has turned into a wildfire. But I know that the challenge for me is going to be remembering all of this when I go back to the States, even just for my 10 day break in April. It's going to be tempting to fall back into old habits, old rhythms, old ways of conversations. But I need to not lose my boldness, not lose the fire that God has placed in me since I have discovered the purpose that He has for me. I need to remember that what the world has for me is garbage compared to Christ. Gaining the world means losing Christ. I can't have both. I choose Christ.
Application:
Today I am going to write "Don't Lose the Fire" on my left arm. Also, I am going to do everything I can to share Jesus with at least one person in the airport/plane on the way back to California and then at least one more person on the way back to Guatemala.
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